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Top Ten Things That Will Make Me Instantly NOT Want To Read A Book
- Non Fiction – It’s rare that I’ve found a non fiction book that I like. In fact if you want me to read a non fiction book it’s best that you tell me it’s fiction. Most of them are just soooooo boring. Or technical.
- Cheating – Ugh. No. I don’t like reading books where the main character cheats on his/her significant other. If some douchebag cheats on the main character and they break up because of it is fine, but the main character doing it bothers me.
- Terrifying – I just can’t handle the scary things.
- Erotic Fiction – just not for me, I like plot with my books.
- Zombies – I detest zombies. Every week I watch The Walking Dead with my cousin and her husband (they come over to my house because they don’t have cable) and I spend half the time looking away from the TV because zombies are disgusting. (Side note: I think the show is well done and I like the plot, save for the zombies of course, which aren’t even really the point of the show. It’s about the people. I used to like Rick but now I think he’s too soft and I find it annoying.)
- Werewolves/Shape Shifters – While I’ve read some books that feature them, I just don’t get it. What happens to their clothes? Some books address this issue, but some don’t. Also I just don’t find humans turning in to animals sexy. The only books I really remember liking that featured werewolves or shape shifters is Molly Harper’s series that takes place in Alaska. But she could make me like anything…
- Real Love Triangles – I don’t mind the fake ones so much (a la Twilight) but I don’t enjoy real love triangles. The angsty who should I choose just isn’t for me.
- Serious Issue Books – more of a theme than a word, but still. I think these books are awesome and they 100% need to be published, but I hate reading books that make me cry. If I know it’s going to be a tearjerker I tend to stay far far away. I’ll pick up one if I’m in the mood, but other than that it’s a no for me.
- Cheating- I am not a fan of cheating. I can only think of one book where it didn’t bother me as much (Something Borrowed by Emily Griffin, although I loved the follow up Something Blue even more). Well, let me clarify- I don’t like when the main character cheats. I’m having a huge problem with the Stephanie Plum series right now. They’re my go to guilty pleasure reads, but there’s been several books where Stephanie hooks up with both leading men when she’s clearing dating the one. I would hate the male characters for cheating on her, so I’m not too thrilled about her doing it… thankfully Grandma Mazur and Lula are still cracking me up.
- Cute Covers That Don’t Match The Content- So, a few years ago I bought what I thought was a cozy urban fantasy (along the lines of Molly Harper or Heather Blake or Nicole Peeler- supernatural but quirky). The cover of the book was adorable… but the content was awful. Full on nun-slaughter in the opening chapter, and then the main character was possessed by Lilith and killed a lot and sexed a lot and there was insta love and maybe some kind of zombie lusting going on, but I was out. Do not trick me with a cute cover!
- Weird Sci-Fi Names- When I was a teen, I wrote my first sci-fi/fantasy story. The names I came up with were dumb. Kat-Lin, Sar-Ah, Lee-Ahm. SO bad. But I was a teenager. If you’re some kind of awesome world-building author, than yes, by all means, create whole universes and languages, and I will welcome weird names. But if you’re bringing some lame Star Trek type aliens (the original show, where the aliens would be just like humans only they’d have two noses or a ridged forehead), and made up names? Thank you, but I’ll pass.
- Blatant Ripoffs- Ugh. If your opening chapter reminds me of the opening chapter of Twilight (*cough* Need) or the whole plot is a thinly disguised Harry Potter fan-fiction (*cough* The Iron Trials) then thanks, but no thanks. I love updating fairytales, or twists on old favorites, but don’t copy. Unless it’s truly fan-fiction, but hell, even most good fan-fiction is just expanding upon the story and characters, not just re-writing it with new names and slight changes… like a high school student tweaking things just enough to slide by the No Plagiarism rule.
- I Know Big Words Books- Look, I get it. Some authors know a lot of words. Really big words. I like words too. I like learning new ones, but if I have to look up every other word, or you use a bunch of fancy words to describe someone walking down a street and what should have been one sentence morphs into five paragraphs, then I’m out.
- Slut-Shaming- I grew up in the 80s and 90s, so I’m more forgiving of older novels that haven’t aged well, but nothing bothers me more than modern books that continue to slut-shame. It’s not cute when I’m reading a romance and the heroine thinks every woman who is competition is a slut or a whore. It’s not okay that in YA books where the main character is all accepting of everyone’s differences but still thinks her frenemy is a whore because she’s wearing a short skirt.
- Harry and Mary Sues- If you have to tell me how smart, beautiful, talented you character is but haven’t shown any of it? Hard pass. If everyone wants to sleep with/be friends with/marry your character, and yet they seem unaware of how adored they are? That’s throwing-the-book-across-the-room-while-screaming worthy. Just stop. Unless your main character is based off of me, because that’s totally realistic. XOXO
- Middle Age Crisis- Truth time, I’m turning 40 soon. Jesus. I can’t believe I’m already almost 40. But I’m not usually a fan of middle age crisis books… unless you add murder, supernatural creatures or a quirky book club solving a series of murders committed by supernatural creatures. I’m not interested in the stories of men or women hitting middle age and going off the rails, or divorce novels, or empty nesters. So unless there’s a really unique hook, this fish ain’t biting.
- Pornography Addicted Teens- So, there’s like two books coming out that cover this subject. And I read a YA novel that the lead female character was a sex addict (written by a male author). I get that this is a real issue, but thankfully being childless does have it’s advantages and I don’t have to worry about this one. It’s just not a subject I care to read about –although, one of the books coming out has an editor I love, so I could be talked into reading it, but only if people I trust read and like it.
- Written Specifically To Make Me Cry- Sorry, Nicholas Sparks, but this means you’re out of here! Jodi Picoult? You’re on the list too (although I do find your plots interesting, I rarely connect with your characters). The Light Between the Oceans? Even the back of the book summary depresses me. I already cry a lot when I read, I’m pretty emotional… and you’ve probably already figured that out. I don’t mind getting emotional about a book (The Hate U Give? Buckets of tears, but also it made me laugh and think), but if I feel like the author just wrote a tearjerker to get on the NYT Bestsellers list? Then nope.
**I had a hard time coming up with a top ten, because I’ve learned that there are some amazing books out there that I was avoiding because I kept my book world small, so take my list with a grain of salt. I’m pretty much game for anything!**